now playing:A love that Will Last--by Renee Olstead

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

Say that you love
Say im the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears don't fall fast
I want a love that will last

[Chorus]
I don't want a just a memory
Gives me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz i want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till i die

So call me romantic
Oh i guess that must be so
Theres something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love that will last
I want a love that will last

[Chorus]
I don't want a just a memory
Gives me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz i want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till i die

So theres little more that i need
I wanna share all the air you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love the love that last
Always
I just want a love that will last
Want a love that will last


They tell me that an average teenager goes through so much angst and pain over the most inane events. Over the course of my secondary life, I have observed and learnt to agree that this is true. i have become very sensitive over the fact that sometimes attention is not directed at me. I know this is a stupid thing to be depressed over, but it seems that there is this little voice inside of me crying out for this small little acceptance of who i am. Yes I love jazz and broadway music, which some pple classify as weird. Friends laugh and mock at me when i always go to the jazz section in the music shops. Maybe their actions are not intended to be insulting, but it just hurts when they do that all the time...ALL THE TIME. I mean, these are my passion, so do they expect me to put away all my interests in piano and such music, just to wriggle my way into their world.

There was one stage in my life where i realli did watever i could just to get a sense of belonging to my so-called circle of friends. Thinking back, it just irks me too see that i was such a suck-up. Returning to the present, even my taste in fashion is being scrutinised. I love uniqueness. weird colour combinations like lime green and pale grey are what i like to see in my wardrobe. Apparently, I did not wear such clothes out cos my friends do not wear such things. So I have indeed conformed to societal expectations. I guess my new year resolution would be to be myself!!!

I hate being sixteen. If I were 21, maybe they would entertain me at the musicians' booth at job fairs. If I were 21, I would have left all these teenage crap behind and finally be myself cos that would be the time when everybody would have matured alot and know that each one of us individuals sre unique in our own ways.

Speaking of individuality, there is this girl in band whom I admired yet detest. She is not exactly the apple in everyone's eyes, and the teachers and conductor seem to respect her. I admire her because she is not afraid to speak her own mind, but i detest her because she sucks up to the better ones and looks down on the weaker links.argh... i am digressing.

So who am I?? Even I don't know....after 4 yrs of conforming have definitely debilitated my character. In IJ, moments when I am truly happy are.....those times were empty..hypocracy laced in the school...even I have become hypocritic. They say that that is society, it is a never-changing fact no matter which school it is or what associations you are involved in. Most teenages are obsessed with the wickedly maudlin circle. However, They have never considered that as theyare crying during the meaningless retreats over the loss of friends whom you know will have the 90% chance of not contacting u again, the world spins around and children die of hunger on the other side of the globe. So much for Adlai Stevenson's shrunken globe and men no longer able to live as strangers. I am in a way consoling myself cos I do not have true friends. I cannot live in solitude...what's more..i am the only child...friends are like the medicine to my problems...but unfortunately I have met only fair-weather friends. Even my closest friend has disppointed me lately when she laughed insensitively at my interests. And when she speaks of hers, i listen even though i don't care about them. sigh....i wish i can meet like-minded pple in tjc. That is why i am going to MEP. I met Desmond, a former MEP student at Holy Spirit Church. We talked and i noticed lil things he said like....he found really true friends in the society and he too could not find in his school. I know friends to adults are not important. But to me, it is.Probably, this boils down my overly sensitive character. I have always been this way since young.

I think i shall stop whining and wallowing in pity for myself and society. I just hope my life gets better in jc. Anybody who reads this might be shocked. cos i am jumpy and happy most of the time...............